The Holiday Is Upon Us but I Experienced A Week of Hell

Hard Work Big Changes

So much went wrong this week…

I’m surprised I’m still alive. Normally I would have exploded in unrighteous anger before running away crying, tucking myself away in a corner someplace. This time, I dealt with everything head on- my wallet in hand. 

Something happened every day to me, beginning with Saturday morning. Without going into details, know I had to shell out $248 to Roto-Rooter. The worst part was Thursday night/Friday morning, when my iMac decided to freeze up and not let go. It would have me sign in and begin loading, but never open up. I tried over and over. Nothing.  I did the Command + Option + P + R and D and Command +R — so many ways, using the alphabet, to get it back up and all futile. THEN I called Apple Support and did it all over again… just to come up with just one solution: Wipe my hard drive.

So I did.

I lost progress, but not all of my work. It hurt all the same and it left me devastated. The only thing that’s truly mine and I lost a chunk of it all. Thankfully, I managed to keep two versions of it all on my iPad Pro and one manuscript in an email I sent to myself. I still have a bit of work, but it wasn’t all lost. 

I managed to stay the tears and stand firm too. I spent a day remembering passwords and logging back in to all my accounts. I spent hours downloading Microsoft, Vellum and Affinity software and I rejoined the world of social media. Frustrated, exhausted and a serous case of carpal tunnel- I cheered for Prince Harry and his engagement while getting my book BACK from ground zero!

I wanted to be mad. I wanted to cry and I wanted to chuck my iMac out the window. I didn’t and I’m happy I resisted my antics. There’s always a silver lining in there somewhere. Mine was finding the unedited files I needed. I can’t dwell on the past and the negatives anymore. I’m already editing again. I plan on changing my behavior and ditching the negative attitude. No resolutions- just life adjustments. I’m working hard to make some Big Changes in me and with my book life.

I experienced a week of hell, and I’m still standing. Just a little bit broke…

Holiday From My Holiday [ramblings]

Holiday from my holidayMost people sit before the Thanksgiving feast and share waht they’re grateful for. Shares of peace, family, a roof over the head- they’ll be repeated for decades on end. I didn’t sit in that category this year. Yes, I’m truly appreciative of all those listed and more, but I found myself in a slump before Thanksgiving even began.

I had a lot going on, but mostly NaNoWriMO (of which I won as of 11/19, like a B.O.S.S.). I pushed and pushed, even when I didn’t feel the inspiration. During November, he understands my goal, so he assumes all my household responsibilities, except teaching. He’s an admitted, awful teacher. But I honestly found no peace, no fulfillment in my writing. I’d fallen into one of ‘those’ slumps again.

So for eight days, we hid away in a cabin, in the Georgia mountains. An 8-hour drive that I didn’t have to drive one mile. I listened to silence or an audiobook. Then wile there, my hubby did all the cooking and cleaning, telling me to relax and find my inspiration. And I did!

I wrote a short story, where a character with my husband’s name is shot in the throat by the main character. Therapy. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my husband dearly and I’d never really shoot him with the gun described in my book, of which I actually own. He’s a good man and growing father and husband. he just wanted me to write something and feel better so bad, that I used him as my muse. LOL He loved it, but didn’t liek that it was his name. Or that the characer shared many similarties. Hey- and author writes what the soul wants written, yeah?

I walked in the woods, kicked my feet through leaves and jumped at every scurrying sound in the distance. I soaked in the hottub and relaxed in a jetted tub. All of them allowed me to relax, but my mind wouldn’t stop. It was only when the guys would leave that I truly felt peace. This pensive state brought on thoughts of wanting to escape, to flee the ones I love the most. I’ve imagined myself running to another country, trashing my passport and becoming a street urchin. A grown-assed urchin!

What is wrong with me?

I could never abandon the man who’s given me everything and only asked that I remain loyal and faithful to him. And my son- I fought to carry him and his two siblings (my son was a triplet)- how could I leave him when he depends on me for everything, daily? I also have a daughter but she’s grown, but she has two little ones and another on the way. They love me. And yet, I’d leave them if I could. Just for the silence.

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My smile is from love, but I don’t always recognize it. I don’t recognize the female in the photo either. There’s so much wrong with me. Layers upon layers of sadness, misunderstandings, mistakes, regrets, darkened only by the years of unfulfillment are all I see. My dark eyes are the well of wasted tears, never to dry.

Christmas is coming and I have to pretend to be cheerful and lively. I will have to sing in the Christmas program at church- hopefully with no lead for me. I can’t lead; I’d be a sham of the woman I used to be. I keep digging for her to resurface, but she’s elusive. I am hiding. I refuse to leave church, because the house is a house of sinners, looking for a way home. That’s me.

I’m just tired of looking.

So I wa supposed to have shared with you that I’m taking the day off from  writing. I’m going to read and relax before getting back to teaching and housekeeping tomorrow. I’ve said too much… I haven’t said enough.

I’ve Been Busy…

Cashier-BlankI’ve been pushing things too hard. Yesterday I found myself in the worst state ever; I hadn’t felt that low and frustrated since diagnosed with a thyroid illness. Nothing seemed to go right and I really just wanted to be a girl and cry. Don’t ask me what the focal point/issue was because I don’t believe I can tell you. It simply was.

Today, it’s different. I’m still covered in responsibilities and my plate is overly full, but I don’t feel so crap. I’m also happy to say, my plans for http://www.areneehunt.com 2018 is coming along nicely. As you see, I shared my illustration for my  “The Books” tab. She came out pretty darned good. What do you think? I think she’s rather adorable.

And speaking of “The Books”, I have teamed up for my first-ever collaboration with another author- my freaking daughter! Yes! It’ll be a short story, to release Halloween 2018. I’ve already created an illustration for the book’s cover- it’s fab! I don’t know how it’ll go with her though. I mean, I love my daughter but she’s a major procrastinator. We shall see…

Also, The Wishers Orb is in progress. My editor has what will become the second draft and my cover designer is reworking what I originally made. His version, from the info I gave him, is stunning! I can’t wait to share it. I’ll post it here before sharing with even my Betas.

Outside of that, I’m just getting prepared for the new year. I’m participating in NaNoWriMo this month and it’s stressful. I really want this novel to be my best work yet, but it’s so friggin hard! I’ve never written anything like this before.

Am I whining? I feel like I’m whining today. Side FX from yesterday’s yuck, maybe? I guess I’ll stop here. I would if I were reading this. LOL

Cheers!

Editing Accomplishments and Website

 

So I’ve Made A Move or Two…

Tea Time2A move that takes me into the first few stages of going 100% independent. I’m terrified. Really, I was sick to my stomach as I paid and began the journey. I think it scares me so much because I’m trying to step out on a dream I’ve carried with me for more than thirty years! I’m older… I’m still inexperienced and I despise technicalities. But I must endure. I must also be ready to spend a bit more money before it all kicks off.

I believe it also frightens me because I’m not doing this for a career, but for the sake of my dream. I wanted to go worldwide with my titles back in the beginning, but it’s too much hassle. I lost control and I barely made much on the dollar. I refuse to remain with KDP any longer. The titles I’ve published with them will remain(short stories), but nothing else. And since CreateSpace.com will soon be no more, I have nothing to lose.

I have joined a new publishing company. They will be my POD for hard copies and paperback of my up-coming, as well as future novels.  All ebooks will be distributed from my website alone. I will be sole vendor- and that’s freaking me out! It also moves me into my second accomplishment of the month: I will have store up and running as of 2018! I don’t know jack squat about running an online store, but I am working on it.

I even have inventory of my first book, Puddle, all set. I sure hope I’ve done it right. Before I make it all live on my site, I’ll check with my awesome website crew’s support. They’ve helped and explained things to me, dumbing it down, so to speak. It’s greatly appreciated.

So that’s all for now. I am a true novice, so if you’ve got any advice for a fool and her folly, I truly welcome it.

Cheers!

Alyssa

Good with the Bad – First WP Blog Post

Hello! So today’s the say I attempt to run with a WordPress.com blog. It’s for nothing more than rambling. I don’t share much, face to face, unless it’s with my hubby, but I find that another author’s issues don’t always compare to mine. I end up feeling lost and rather frustrated.

Usually, it’s my own fault.

But here’s where I’ll be haring those frustrations, thoughts, rambles and so much more. My normal blog, on my website, will be here I give away the good stuff that’s truth but more on the positive side. This blog is the nitty gritty, that I’ll also share via my newsletter.

Please get to know me. I’m very honest and truthful. I also take feedback and constructive criticisms very well. If I cry, I’ll just blog about it later! LOL The thing is, I needed a place to vent. I’m so tired of keeping the background in the… well, the background.

I hope you enjoy and don’t find me too whiny.

You can learn about me from my author website. Please visit; see what I review, share and enjoy most. That’s where those tidbits will reside. If you have any questions for me, I’m more than open to answer; I welcome it. I just want you to know me and what I’m attempting to accomplish. This way, I can grow.

Cheers

Alyssa